Stone funeral statue

Stone funeral statue, originally uploaded by Sydonay.

Passing through another day

I would like that finally to transform this First weblog of mine in what should had to be from the beginning, a personal diary, a collection of my most private thoughts and feelings.

Well, what I could say about myself in this very moment? The second thing that could be said is that I really feel the need for writing down these lines.

In this evening and in my life as well I feel so alone, almost alone in my fights with the storms brought to me by my very own existence. Of course that there are still people which care to me, but none of them aren't here, in my country, and as long as I continue to linger here, I find myself helpless, in spite of being a Bachelor in Philosophy, in spite of my intellectual skills, in spite of everything.

But the worst thing is that I feel betrayed, I feel like all the people which could have an influence on my life from here preferred to remain silent and motionless, as they were frozen by the fear that something would happen to them or as they considered me as being guilty by something wrong and unforgivable.

Should be the case to think that I am guilty because of my own current condition?

I feel very bad because of all these. I didn't feel so strange in my entire life and I have all the reasons to believe that my own country has something against me. Are moments when I think to a release, but somehow I still lay here, in the world where I was brought to the light, for the sake of my own system of beliefs, hoping that something will be done.

But nothing, as I expected, happens in my behalf, and it seems that the whole country is against me, wanting me dead, wanting me to pay for those unknown sins.

But a thing is sure, I won't endure this situation for ever and sooner or later I will find a way out. Just that I am feeling completely thrown away by a society which wanted me alive somewhere in the past, when I was born.

Probably that my friends will not read this article, maybe because wasn't posted on my main weblog, maybe because I didn't find the best way to express my thoughts, but being honest, if I would done it in a different way, my message would had been really understood? And really was necessary to say something in some of the situations?

This is what I feel in this very moment, and I am not happy at all that the sadness identified with my mood, that the sadness begun to define myself. Is true that I like gothic culture and romantic poetries, but when the sadness engulfs all other possible states of your mind, then you can be sure that something deeply wrong took place with yourself.

I just want a life, but it seems that Romanians are the most cruel people which I ever met.

I don't know what should be appropriate to write further, then I choose to stop for the moment and I hope that I wouldn't do something stupid after I will end this article.